


The One With A Baby

by andathousandyearsmore



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Babies, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Crack, Domestic Avengers, Established Relationship, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Humor, Loki (Marvel) Is So Done, M/M, Sassy Steve Rogers, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 20:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18977977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andathousandyearsmore/pseuds/andathousandyearsmore
Summary: Honestly, out of all things that Loki could have expected, Steve being good with babies was not one of them. Not when Steve was notorious for dodging questions about future plans for children, or those hilariously bad PSAs that were aimed for children (no matter how much Steve denied he was coerced) existed. So this?This was pretty surprising.





	The One With A Baby

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RenneMichaels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenneMichaels/gifts).



> This is pure crack. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. This is most definitely a plot divergence from my other story, Marry Me? which definitely does not need to be read to understand this. 
> 
> Though if you do want to read Marry Me? and its predecessor, I am not stopping you.

Loki stepped into the communal living room with tremendous caution, completely wary of any balloons, enormous banners, or giant declarations of love. Right next to him, Tony freely entered the communal living room, hoping for precisely what Loki didn’t want. But only because Tony seemed to take immense joy in Loki’s annoyance at Steve. 

The madness started maybe a few weeks ago, when a reporter had asked the Avengers if there were wedding bells in any of their futures. The answer had been a no, but it seemed like something had gone off in Steve’s head. Because now, not a day didn’t go by where Steve didn’t spontaneously propose to Loki without any real intention of wanting a yes. 

The problem wasn’t the proposal(s). The problem was that Steve didn’t really mean it when all Loki wanted to do was say yes. Steve wouldn’t really ask unless he talked it over with Loki beforehand, and Loki also knew that Steve wasn’t an extremely flashy person. He wouldn’t go for the extravagant, comical gestures for things he really meant. 

But, at heart, Steve was also a massive prankster and a  _troll_ who had all the other Avengers convinced that he was pouring out his heart for Loki, who kept turning him down. Bullshit. Absolute bullshit. This entire thing was one long joke that both of them played, even if it was starting to feel like Loki was playing himself. 

So: instead of dealing it like normal human beings would—well maybe he could argue since that he wasn’t a normal normal being, he deserved a free pass, especially when the only accurate part of that phrase was the word _being—_ Loki was just a little wary of the proposals because he didn’t want to accidentally say yes and give it all up too early. 

“Damn,” Tony said, looking around at the decoration-free living room, “Nada.” 

Loki was very thankful for that indeed, but his attention was caught by something else. Or rather, someone else(s). 

Sitting criss-crossed on the floor was one Steve Rogers, with one very amused Bucky Barnes on the couch behind him. Well, that was a little inaccurate. Bucky was filming Steve with a large grin on his face. And Steve? Steve was holding a child and bouncing them up and down while saying absolute nonsense to them. He was smiling brightly, like an idiot, but he looked incredibly _happy_. 

The child looked happy as well. Any child would be happy like that.

“When did we get a baby?” Tony asked in horror, doing numerous double takes. Bucky took one look at Tony’s hilariously shocked face and started to film him instead. “Oh my god, _how_ did we get a baby? I can’t... _baby_!” He all but hissed the last word. 

“Tony,” Steve said seriously, looking up from the child. “Didn’t the mother tell you she was relinquishing custody to you?”

Loki stifled a loud laugh, disguising it as a cough even if Tony didn’t notice his reaction. Tony’s jaw dropped instead, his eyes wide as he stared at the child.

“What? No? That’s not—no?” Tony continued blinking at the child as it was a foreign object.

“I dunno,” Steve continued as Bucky gleefully continued filming Tony’s shutdown. Honestly, Loki felt that this was much too easy. “She’s awfully cute. You think I could ask for custody too? We could co-parent!”

Bucky was extremely close to laughing and breaking the entire charade at Steve’s innocently hopeful expression. Innocent, Freyja’s _cats_. 

“I’m allergic to babies,” Tony blurted out, a look of sheer panic taking over his face at even the thought.

Bucky started to laugh loudly, doubling over even though he was sitting, and Loki allowed himself a grin. 

Tony looked confused for a minute, before it hit him. “I hate all of you. All of you.” 

Steve shrugged and continued to entertain the child. Bucky eventually stopped laughing.

“One of Stark’s R&D geniuses apparently couldn’t come in today because her nanny cancelled, and Steve just happened to pass by when he heard, so now he’s watching her,” Bucky sighed and explained when Steve showed no inclination to break his focus from the child again. “Her name is Tamannah.” 

Tony blinked once. “Oh. She’s Melika’s? So... ten months old?” 

“Yup,” Bucky said. “Steve’s a sucker for babies.” 

“Didn’t you hate kissing babies on the USO tour?” Tony asked, looking at Steve strangely. 

Steve didn’t answer, now laser-focused on _Tamannah_. Bucky shut off his videoing and then answered, “He hated capitalism and sellin’ himself out to people, and to babies who didn’t deserve it.” 

“So I’m guessing that’s a secret no one wants out to the public on a livestream,” Tony said. “And— _Steve_! What the _fuck_ are you _doing_?”

Steve was apparently a flight simulator now. Loki had no doubt that Steve knew how to balance his weight and Tamannah’s so that she couldn’t fall, but Loki focused on balancing her with his magic to help Steve out all the same.

“ _Language_ ,” Steve hissed at Tony, daggers from his eyes. “And she’s this close to crying. Until Clint comes back with food, she’s ‘flying’.”

“Ha, ha, very funny,” Tony said, rolling his eyes at Steve’s reference to their old joke. 

“This is the one time you’ve ever said that and meant it,” Bucky said, grinning at it like he knew something Loki and Tony didn’t, “Shoulda recorded it.” 

“No, he called my language out back at Ultron and that’s how this started,” Tony countered.  

“Nope. This one’s been around since 1944,” Bucky shrugged, sharing a grin with Steve. Then, pausing for extra dramatic effect, he whispered, “It’s a secret.”

“What’s a secret?” Clint asked as he strolled into the room with both a bag of food and Wanda. “Also here’s everything you need, and an extra person, but it seems like you’ve got the help covered.” 

“I’m not helping,” Bucky and Tony simultaneously denied.

“He meant Loki,” Wanda said, to which both men took offense. “Full offense. But what’s this secret?” 

“Steve hates capitalism,” Bucky responded flatly. Loki had to stifle a laugh (again) at the reaction on Wanda’s face. 

“That is no secret,” she said. “Remember that time when he was drunk off of the alien goo? I was stuck on the two-hour shift when he began a long drunken rant.”

Loki remembered that time. He had been stuck on a two-hour shift watching Steve when Steve proceeded to sing every single dirty U.S Army song he knew. Including a completely filthy version of The Star-Spangled Man With A Plan. Which was also capped off by Bucky unfortunately telling him that half of the drinking songs during the Second World War were inspired by Steve’s ass. Oh, Loki _remembered_. 

“Workers of world, unite,” Steve solemnly repeated.

“Wa-ka!” Tamannah repeated, and Steve froze, immediately holding her with two hands after had realized what she had said. 

“No, not worker,” Steve said, just as Tamannah repeated what she had just said. “Ba-ba!” His efforts were in vain, unfortunately. Bucky laughed. “Come on, please.”  

“You are screwed, Steve,” Wanda solemnly announced. 

“Oh my god,” Steve groaned. But thankfully for him, by the end of the day, he had also managed to have Tamannah saying _Baba_ as well. Dr. Hasan hadn’t really minded at all, though she was confused at what Tamannah was trying to say with _Waka_. Steve just pretended like he had no clue that that was a new development. 

It wasn’t until team dinner that night when the topic of babies and children were brought up again. They were all sprawled out among the sofas, pizza slices in hand and on plates. 

“... all thanks to this asshole,” Tony was saying, pointing an accusatory finger at Steve, who had the indecency to try and pull a ‘who, me?’ face. “Honestly.” 

“But _why_ were you panicked that someone would do that to you?” Steve asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Tony coughed. Looked down. “Not the first time it’s happened,” he said a little less energetically. 

“Oh my god, who would give a baby to _you_?” Sam asked in horror. “Especially when you aren’t related to said baby.” 

Tony shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s happened. Just ask Pepper what happened in ‘05.” 

“SHIELD knows about that,” Natasha piped in. “Or knew, I guess.” 

“I am so glad I purged our files from the data leak,” Tony immediately replied. 

“Guys, guys, guys,” Clint shook his head. “We’re missing the real question.” 

“Which is?” Loki asked. 

“What about Steve?” Clint brought up. 

Steve tilted his head to the right slightly. “What about me?” he slowly asked. 

“Kids.” 

Steve didn’t say anything for a second. And then a smirk lit up his face. “I already have to deal with all of you. Besides, what the hell would I be doing with kids alone?” 

“No,” Loki responded, not even looking at Steve. “Don’t you dare, Rogers.” 

Steve pretended to pout dramatically, as if he was heartbroken. 

The team laughed.

Loki sighed. 

One day. 


End file.
